If you are a Florida resident contemplating divorce, both you and your spouse, despite your irreconcilable differences, probably hate the thought of a protracted, acrimonious court battle. What you may not realize is that more amicable options exist. One of them is collaborative divorce, and it may be the approach that best fits you and your spouse and your specific situation.
As in a traditional litigated divorce, you and your spouse each retain your own attorney. However, unlike in a litigated divorce, your respective attorneys do not assume the traditional adversarial positions. Rather, the two of them help the two of you negotiate and resolve your differences out of court.
Starting the collaborative process
The first thing you and your spouse must do is hire your respective attorneys and meet with them in private. At these meetings, each of you should be open, honest and candid with your attorney. Tell him or her your concerns and what you are seeking in the way of all issues, including the following:
- Child custody, support and visitation
- Spousal support
- Division of property
- Continuation and protection of your business or professional practice if you have one
- Any other crucial issue
In addition, be sure to tell your attorney not only what you want to accomplish, but also what you can live with in terms of compromises.
Many couples, especially high-asset couples, also hire a neutral third party, such as a CPA or financial advisor, to provide guidance and assistance on specialized financial issues. The other advantage of hiring a neutral advisor is that his or her conference room can serve as a neutral place where all of you can meet in a nonthreatening atmosphere of equality and respect.
Negotiating your differences
The goal of the collaborative divorce process is for you and your spouse to resolve your own differences and issues instead of having a judge resolve them for you. Each of you will have ample opportunity to express your views and opinions in the negotiation meetings. However, each of you should remember that since this is a nonadversarial process, you should treat each other with respect and dignity. Such things as name calling, accusations, belittlement and/or intimidation are never appropriate. Also remember that as in any negotiation process, each of you will need to compromise, and neither of you will get everything you want.
The amount of time you and your spouse will spend negotiating, and the number of negotiation meetings you will need, depends on how complex your situation is and how far apart you are as to issue resolution when you begin the process. Many couples find that one or two meetings are sufficient. Others need more; but even then, since you, your spouse and your respective attorneys all meet together at the same times and places, communications are better and no time is lost trying to get people on the phone or to explain something by email.
Once you and your spouse have ironed out your differences, one of the attorneys will draft the resulting legally binding property settlement agreement, parenting plan, etc. to file with the court.
Reaping the benefits
In addition to likely saving you and your spouse considerable time and money, the collaborative divorce process also likely will lower your stress and emotional levels to a manageable equilibrium during this difficult period of your life.
Perhaps the greatest benefit of having a collaborative divorce instead of a litigious one, however, is the effect it will have on your children. When they see both of their parents working together cooperatively to resolve their differences, you provide them with their best possible role models for resolving conflicts in their own lives. In addition, you also give them hope for the future. Many children of divorcing couples fear that the family break-up is somehow their fault, that they will have to take sides in their parents’ disputes, and that they may well lose one of their parents forever.
Since a collaborative divorce minimizes hostilities, your children will benefit greatly from their home remaining a safe and stable place where people work together, even when they have disagreements. This reassurance will have a lasting positive effect on your children.