If you are facing divorce and wondering how to broach the topic with kids, you may find solace in the fact that many have been in your shoes. According to Scientific American, 1.5 million kids every year have parents who divorce.
While divorcing parents should prioritize their kids’ needs and input, there are several questions they should never ask. Be careful to avoid the following inquiries when you are talking to children about separation.
Which parent they want to live with
Negotiating custody and co-parenting routines is difficult, and you want to find an arrangement that is best suited to your kids’ adjustment.
You should not directly ask them which parent they would prefer to live with. Doing so suggests an oppositional relationship between exes at best and an antagonistic one at worst. Leave kids out of such tension by avoiding such loaded questions.
Whether they want parents to divorce
In some cases, when one parent wants a divorce but the other does not, the latter may ask kids whether or not a divorce is a good idea. Kids will want to say no, and some parents employ this as leverage against the parent wanting a divorce.
Though you might have good intentions, this tactic is manipulative, and it places enormous pressure on kids where there should be none.
What the other parent is doing
If you and your partner have already separated, it may be tempting to keep tabs on your ex by asking your kids what he or she has been doing. Pressuring children to surreptitiously monitor their parent for such purposes is unfair to them and unfair to your ex, too. If you are curious about their activities, it is best to initiate direct contact.
Divorce is difficult, and it’s even more difficult when legal factors such as kids, assets and spousal support come into play. Contact an attorney to help you navigate a divorce.